babydramatic_1950: (Default)
[personal profile] babydramatic_1950

Despite my parents’ being militant atheists and my mother being ethnically Jewish, the “Christian assumption” ran through everything I was exposed to as a child, from literature (mostly British Victorian or Edwardian) to idioms (“christen” was a common synonym for “name” [as a verb], “Christian name” was a common term for “first name,” and “un-Christian” was a synonym for “uncharitable”) to the mother of all holidays, Christmas.

So I grew up amidst this “Christian assumption,” but my life as it was lived was not part of it. When I say “Christian” I am not speaking of deeply held faith, but of a culture. And it wasn’t my mother’s Jewishness that made me “not of” the culture I am referring to. What was at issue was that my mother was modern. From the time she was a teenager, her chief self-identifier had been that she was a “New Woman”. New Women did not attend houses of worship, believe in a deity, ascribe to a code of conduct that originated in the Old Testament, or use sentimental religious language to explain suffering or cushion the loss of a loved one. They did not believe in Heaven and Hell. They made sure that their children’s minds were “stayed” on the here and now, in other words, on science, progress, and, most of all, frank clinical talk about disease, death, and sex. My father, a midWesterner of Scots Irish descent, was a scientist who loathed religion as being at best superstition and at worst hypocrisy. He mentioned having been dragged as a child by relatives to a “hard shell Baptist” church where Jesus was often quoted, but “colored people” were not allowed. But what it all boiled down to for both of my parents was that to them, religion belonged to the past, and they belonged to the future.

For whatever reason, however, this did not stop my mother from immersing me in fiction where the Christian assumption ruled: Little Women, for example. The chapter in which Beth dies, many girls’ first exposure to reading while crying, takes its name “The Valley of the Shadow”, from the Twenty-Third Psalm. When Jo, the quintessential New Woman, cries to her mother that she misses her father, Marmee gives Jo a gentle sermon in which she refers to how she herself always derives comfort from God the Father. (And later in the book Jo says “If God spares Beth I will love Him and serve Him always.”)

Was Jo less of a “New Woman” because throughout the book she equated religion with goodness? There are few times now when I miss my mother, but as I write this, I wonder how she would have answered this question. Most likely, she would have said that Jo’s thoughts and feelings needed to be put in historical perspective. Her talking about God and religion were like her wearing a long dress. A New Woman in 1959 would not have worn such a dress, nor would she have talked about God or used religion as a framework for ethics and character.

For me, the dis-union between what I was encouraged to read and how I was encouraged to think and be was made more painful by the fact that most of my classmates (and their parents) seemed to have at least one foot planted in the nineteenth century. (Gertrude Himmelfarb, whose writings on Victorianism had a profound effect on me, said that the Victorian Era didn’t really end until 1962.) Not all of these families went to church, but somehow their children had absorbed a lot of religiously themed vocabulary. People who died went to Heaven. “Taking the Lord’s name in vain” was wicked. Prayer was mentioned if someone was ill. Probably most of these children had been baptized. Then of course there were the Jewish families but I was not “of” them either. They had Jewish last names (mine was Scots Irish) and the children stayed out of school (schools were open then) on Jewish holidays. Some belonged to synagogues. Many did not, but none had a Christmas tree the way my family did.

Along with a rejection of religion and its (mostly sentimental or punitive) vocabulary was a disapproval of anything “old fashioned”. This catch-all included everything from pink clothing and long loose hair for girl children (I was only allowed long hair if it was braided, and I was constantly nagged to agree to having it cut), to antique furniture (everything in the house was teak and chrome, and the color scheme favored sour greens, oranges, and turquoises).

So I escaped into stories set in bygone eras, about girls from large families, who lived in big houses, had long hair with big bows, and wore long dresses with pinafores and high topped shoes – and then opened my eyes in my ultra-modern bedroom, which I hated with its orange bedspread, metal framed butterfly chairs with removable canvas tops, and formica desk. In addition to my hating its lack of aesthetic appeal, it had no literary associations. At least in the late 1950s, there were no magical stories about apartment-dwelling only children raised as atheists and groomed to be “modern”.

[That was sixty years ago. Since that time I have been a serious student of the literature and culture of Victorian and Edwardian England, and in my 50s, I became a choir member and soloist in a progressive Lutheran church. I am not baptized, and don’t consider myself Christian, but I have somehow managed to find a home there.]

Date: 2019-01-15 06:43 pm (UTC)
adoptedwriter: (Default)
From: [personal profile] adoptedwriter
Interesting and very relatable glimpse into your upbringing. Mine was similar.

Date: 2019-01-16 02:19 am (UTC)
bsgsix: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bsgsix
I really enjoyed the thought put into this piece - the look at the importance of literature and the modern woman co-mingled with religion. Very intriguing. There was a lot I could relate to here.

Date: 2019-01-16 03:13 am (UTC)
dmousey: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dmousey
Must be why they say home is where the heart is! 😊

I understand a bit of the disjointed upbringing. Supposedly my mother is Jewish (never met her), my pop baptised me Episcopalian. Then he sent me the Catholic school - and they re-baptised me. But I have never been a big fan of organized religion and their not having answers to the why questions -other than God's will.

I was also lost in the world of Jane Austen, The Secret Garden was another favorite. Anyhoo, thanks for writing this piece!! ⛄😊🎀🐁❄🐭✌

Date: 2019-01-16 06:10 pm (UTC)
dmousey: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dmousey
I understood. I had the opposite upbringing. And you are an intelligent woman! 🎀❄🐭✌⛄😊🐁

Date: 2019-01-16 07:41 am (UTC)
alycewilson: Photo of me after a workout, flexing a bicep (Default)
From: [personal profile] alycewilson
Very interesting reflections. My parents, by contrast, took us to church every Sunday, and my mom cultivated a series of ministers as best friends. Yet, mom was far from an evangelical and, much like your mother, very much a New Woman. I don't think she was surprised when all three of her children drifted away from organized religion.

Date: 2019-01-16 12:35 pm (UTC)
alycewilson: Photo of me after a workout, flexing a bicep (Default)
From: [personal profile] alycewilson
My Mom came out as a lesbian when I was in college -- though we all knew before that -- and her longtime companion was a pastor, for about 15 years until her death.

I agree that it's important for kids to have a place to belong, and I did feel like my Sunday School friends were like family. We could always depend on each other. However, so were my musician friends in band, and my friends at the school newspaper. Anywhere that we shared something that bonded us together. My son has found community that started through the library storytime hour. He made many friends there who we then followed to preschool and now Cub Scouts. I expect they will remain some of his oldest, truest friends.

Date: 2019-01-16 12:51 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] bellatrix_lestrange
This was such an interesting read and there was a lot of relatable content here too. I really love the story-like way in which the entry unfolded as well, and the way you weave your words <3

Date: 2019-01-17 03:02 am (UTC)
static_abyss: (Default)
From: [personal profile] static_abyss
What an interesting piece. In my family, religion was never a huge deal, so when I found myself spending time at church, I was attracted to the community of it. The kind of connection that one can feel there. It worked well for me until certain parts of my life contrasted with the teachings of my church, but I have found people who say that there is a place for me there if I want it.

Thanks for sharing with us and good luck with second chance.

Date: 2019-01-17 08:19 am (UTC)
halfshellvenus: (Default)
From: [personal profile] halfshellvenus
My upbringing was also similar, largely because my dad was an atheist (a non-believer from the age of 5 or 6 raised in a Mormon household, awkward all around) and my mother was an agnostic and an early feminist. We also celebrated Christmas and Easter, because those were secular holidays for my parents, but much of other people's religion was bizarre to me. I caught glimpses via osmosis and my grandmother occasionally taking us to her Methodist church, but it was more like an outsider's observation of someone else's mythology. Still is.

My parents mostly didn't care what I read, but the classics very much had that gender and religious bias you noted (a product of the times). Nancy Drew was one of my favorites, though, in part because of her independence and because of her choice to _get things done_. ;)

Date: 2019-01-17 03:01 pm (UTC)
rayaso: (Default)
From: [personal profile] rayaso
This was a fascinating combination of essay and personal history. It is interesting that you wound up finding a home in the Lutheran church.

Date: 2019-01-18 12:32 am (UTC)
murielle: Me (Default)
From: [personal profile] murielle
Interesting and enlightening. Very different from my own upbringing and experience, and so even more interesting.

Date: 2019-01-18 01:08 am (UTC)
song_of_thea: (Default)
From: [personal profile] song_of_thea
It's interesting how music and literature can create a home for us in ways that walls and furniture cannot. And through the whole thing, religious ideology manifests in some way, shape or form. I'm told this is an American thing, but I'm not so certain that is true.

Still, your piece is very thought provoking. I'm glad you have found a home.

Date: 2019-01-18 01:21 am (UTC)
megatronix: (Default)
From: [personal profile] megatronix
Oh this is so fascinating. I love that you wanted an upbringing that had ties to the literature you loved. I'm glad you've found a life and home where you're comfortable now.

I really enjoyed reading these reflections of yours!!

Date: 2019-01-18 06:50 pm (UTC)
reidharriscooper: (Default)
From: [personal profile] reidharriscooper
As a full Jew by birth and a rejected "Jew" by choice and by the more "devout" of the culture I relate. Although not the finding home in any type of church setting simply because no matter how open, awake or concious a congregation ever seems, they still actually consider the Bible to not be a parable but actual words of a figure to them is not a fictional creation. At least in MY personal experience. Yet I truly enjoyed reading and learning your experience (both in the main peace and replies to comments), since you definitely through your upbringing and reasoning for finding church would be someone I wouldn't have that problem with (I think).

Date: 2019-01-19 04:16 am (UTC)
flipflop_diva: (Default)
From: [personal profile] flipflop_diva
I really enjoyed this insight into your upbringing. It must have been difficult to be raised so differently from the other children you knew. But I really like the way you told this story!

Date: 2019-01-19 07:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kehlen.livejournal.com
I enjoyed this look into yor past, and how well you described your clash with your parents.

Date: 2019-01-19 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] spilledink562
This is a really interesting look into how you grew up and the roles religiosity and the thinking behind it played in forming you as you are today. Very interesting piece indeed. Thank you for sharing that glimpse into your world with us.

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Rebecca MacLean

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